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Of coughing fit, overloaded phlegm and disappointment

April 13, 2008

Six hours ago I was still happily considering of updating my blog telling everyone I bought a wireless keyboard and mouse today. Six hours from then I am feeling extremely down and sick again.
Let’s see, since Monday 7th April 2008, I started having slight sore throat in the morning. It got worsen and by night, I already developed a bad sore throat and a fever with 37.5 degrees C. I went to the clinic that night itself and I got an medical leave for Tuesday. The doctor advised me that if my condition didn’t improve within two days time I had to go back to the clinic. So I rested on Monday night and the whole day of Tuesday. I messaged my assignment group mates telling them I couldn’t make it for the meeting at Tuesday night because I was down with fever. The medicine didn’t help me at all and my fever rosed at night to the point I felt suffocated. Cyberjaya’s weather didn’t exactly helped too considering it was raining hard. My mother called me asking me whether I wanted to go back home and she would come and fetch me if I wanted to. I declined because there was an assignment due on Sunday.
So on Wednesday night, when my fever went down, I went to the clinic again. By then I also developed a severe neck pain. Whether it’s due to the fever or something else I don’t know. Walking to the clinic never felt so tortuous before. The doctor examined me and found out I still had fever at 37.5 degrees. He changed some of my medicine and gave me another two days medical leaves (Wednesday and Thursday) advising me not to leave my room. He also asked me to go back to the clinic on Thursday morning to do a blood test. So I went back again and basically slept. Waking up only when I started to have difficulties breathing or when it’s time for my medicine and food. The next morning, I climbed up the rocky roads and went to the clinic again. I took the blood test and was told to get the result by 6pm that evening. So during the evening I called the clinic, and they asked me to go back to the clinic. Whee.
Back at the clinic, the doctor told me there’s infection in my blood. What exactly it was he wasn’t sure because it was a simple blood test. It wasn’t dengue fever though. He checked my body temperature and it was still at 37.5 degrees C (now this number is getting pretty much familiar by now). So he wrote a letter and referred me to the Putrajaya Hospital. Man, he even nearly send me to the emergency response van that my university has. Reluctantly I agreed to go the next day. He gave me another medical leave for friday (yeah one whole week no class) and sent me out of the clinic.
So on Friday morning, I kidnapped my friend Ganaeshd and forced him to accompany me to the hospital. We were stuck at the hospital from 1.30pm to 6pm. I had my blood pressure checked, my heart beat checked, and my blood taken once again. By then my right hand already showed signs of blue black. Turned out the hospital didn’t really understand the clinic doctor’s writing (or probably too lazy to read) and forgot to give me a X-ray as requested in the letter. Only at 5pm when they gave me my blood test result and I asked them about the X-ray did they realized I was here for X-ray. They asked me if I wanted to do it then because clearly my blood shows no signs of dengue (like duh) but was showing some other unknown infection. I felt bad having my friend waited for so long and I, myself too felt tired after being stuck in the emergency ward for half a day. So I declined and we left the hospital.
On the next day (Saturday) I thought I felt less feverish and I decided to hang out with my friends. After all it’s really boring being trapped in your room for five days straight eating only Gardenia white bread and drinking Ovaltine. So I went out and I bought myself a wireless keyboard and mouse and an external hard disk. Naturally, I cheered up and was excited to try out my new keyboard. However by the time I came back, my nose started to feel blocky again and I started coughing out phlegms. Okay, maybe going out wasn’t such a good idea. But nevertheless, I felt happy going out. However, my mood got spoilt when I logged into my MSN messenger.
Immediately after I logged in, one of my assignment group mate messaged me. He said he has the work distribution papers for me. The leader of our group passed it to him to pass it to me since I missed the Tuesday night meeting. He sounded pissed as if I did a “Missing In Action” on them purposely. He told me the whole group was pissed at me because I didn’t attend the meeting. I replied that I informed one of the members that I was down with fever and couldn’t make it. Imagine how insulted I was when he told me that they thought I told them I was having a fever just because I was lazy to attend the meeting. Having an extremely blocky nose and getting harder to breathe as moments passed by, I had no time to get pissed off. Instead I just explained my situation to him. He got shocked and apologized saying he shouldn’t be so judgmental and stuff. He said he will inform everyone else that I am really sick and not faking it out and asked me to rest more and basically ends his conversations with hoping I will get well soon.
Personally, I am glad, he told me the truth and he sincerely apologized for misunderstanding me. However the damage is done and I am feeling extremely down right now. The fact that I informed that beforehand I couldn’t make it because I was down with fever, the fact that I, myself felt guilty for being sick and not being able to meet up at the meeting and the whole total fact that all the time while I was blaming myself they thought I ditched them for fun and the fact that all those suddenly add up inside me, I felt totally wrecked. My heart felt so sore…so sore for the fact I was genuinely sorry I couldn’t make and yet they think I was faking it. They never called me and asked what happened. They just assumed I rickrolled them for fun. Wow. Thanks a lot guys.
Now I feel more down and painful compared to whatever I felt for the past week when I was bedridden. Suddenly I feel so broken that at one point I just wanted to pick up my cell phone and ask my mother to come and just fetch me home, away from campus. I felt like I wanted to cry but I couldn’t. My nostrils are so blocked up right now and phlegm is literally blocking my whole windpipe. I threw up 4 times already…all the phlegms and yet I feel my condition getting worse again. With my current body condition, I just can’t find a way to handle my emotional stress anymore. It’s too penned up and I needed to let it go. Yes, that’s all I wanted. I just wanted to let it go. Honestly, I felt so much better at this very moment as I am typing down this line compared to before I started. Am I hating my groupmates forever and forever? No, I don’t. In fact I don’t blame them. True I felt hurt but everyone has their doubts and perceptions. And with assignments all penned up, I don’t blame them for being frustrated when one of their members suddenly told them she couldn’t make it because she was down with fever. I bet they were thinking “Man, I wish I am having fever right now too”.
I am really tired right now. Yet, I can’t sleep. I just can’t. My nostrils are terribly blocked and I simply cannot imagine how I am going to breathe if I fell asleep now(considering I am breathing through my mouth now). With the thunders softly booming outside my window as my curtains lightly flapped around, all I wanted now is to just go home and be with my family. But for now, I will just have to be satisfied with cuddling my bolster and hiding under my blanket. I wish daylight will come soon. I can’t wait to hear my mother’s voice on the other side of the phone.

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